I was composing a lovely blog post in my mind* about something adoption or parenting related - I think it may have been about the lovely dinner we had with Kari and Kelly and their fantastic baby last night, and all the wonderful hand-me-downs of little Phinney's that we now have stockpiled in our closet - when my phone rang and it was Liz, our adoption coordinator. Hm, I thought, that's odd seeing as J. won't be looking at our profile until next Tuesday. Nonetheless, my heartbeat picked up a little.
"Hi Liz," I answered the phone. "What's up?"
It turned out that J. had been shown profiles today, after all, and we weren't picked. Apparently she ended up feeling more connected to someone else, and while my heart sank a little I didn't feel too bad. It's our first time out, and while I don't know details about who did get picked, Liz did tell me enough for me to realize that it's someone in a population of adoptive parent that sometimes has to wait a long time. So, I felt genuinely glad for that person, and told Liz that.
"But," she said, "I do have something else to talk to you about. If you're okay, and feel ready. I know this can be emotionally draining for couples sometimes."
"We're fine." I told her, "talk to me, talk to me!"
It turns out there is a birth-mom, F., who will be looking at profiles with this same agency on Monday. Liz told me the details surrounding this case, and I knew without checking with Andrew that it was something we'd go for. "When is this baby due?" I asked.
"March 1st, actually."
Whoa. So - this is how it is going to go. That I did have to check with Andrew about, but he's a go and we're a go. Say some prayers for this young pregnant woman on Monday, if praying is something that you do. I am realizing that there are brave young women making these tough choices literally every day.
Meanwhile, as I told a friend this afternoon, I am feeling a little bit like the inverse of that baby swan in the storybook that wandered all over looking for its mother. I'm looking for my baby, of course, and as I get glimpses into this case and that one I am wondering with each case, are you my baby? Are you?
We'll find our swan out there, though. And he or she will be exactly right.
*yes, I have a job and no, it is not suffering. I am an excellent multi-tasker, thank you very much.