Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Okay, maybe I will post every time...

Q: What does adopting a baby and touring in a rock band have in common??

A: They're both all about the hurry-up-and-wait.

Andrew and I met at a time when we were both in touring rock bands - meaning that both of our musical projects went on the road periodically for days and/or weeks at a time. It was a nice perk of our relationship that we both got the nature of this lifestyle. He was definitely on the road a lot more than I was, but I understood the quirks of communicating from tour: the late night post-show phone calls when energy is up, the short clipped answers to questions that one gets from a conversation partner who is stuck in a van with four or five other people, the time difference snafus, etc. It got to the point where I could have an entire 5-10 minute conversation with him in the middle of the night without even waking up. I'd have to check my phone log in the morning to see if I'd talked to him. And when I was on the road and he was at home, he understood it too.

The hardest thing about touring for me was always the hurry-up-and-wait. Get done playing a show and either nab some sleep at your current location and hustle out in the morning, or drive all night to the next town and grab sleep during the day. Either way it was a rushed trip to a new location and then the long sessions of waiting around: for the club to open, for the soundcheck, for the doors to open, for the show to start, for the show to end, to get paid, etc, punctuated by the comparatively brief (but usually amazing) rush of excitement that comes with performance. Andrew was able to get into a routine with it - I never really did. One reason why I'm not in a band anymore and he's touring Japan in June. I loved planning for the tours and I loved playing the shows...but I really didn't like all the darn waiting around.

So, you can imagine how things are playing out here. Adoption, especially the way we're going, is all about hurry up and wait. Get the homestudy done, figure out the finances, be as ready as you can be....and then wait for an indeterminate amount of time that could be as short as 3 days or as long as 18 months. Getting ready was a cinch for me.

The waiting? Not so much. (Andrew, on the other hand, is doing just fine thanks for asking.)

So you can imagine my relief when I got an email from Liz about a case yesterday afternoon. It feels like movement, it might be something! But more than anything knowing we're being shown again on Saturday gives me the illusion that we're progressing. It feels like showtime. The reason she emailed about this particular case is that the birth mom is interested in a greater degree of openness than the minimum we agreed to - something we're actually thrilled about and is a whole post in and of itself that is still gestating currently. The fact that we said yes this time means she probably won't tell us next time a mom who desires something similar comes up. But I'm glad to know. This waiting is starting to feel a lot like a long drive on a Nebraska highway, where everything looks the same for miles ahead and behind. It's nice to have a curve in the road to navigate every once and a while, even if around the bend is just more of the same.


  1. Thanks so much for sharing, Alissa. I think of you guys often and I love hearing any news! Love you guys!!

  2. p.s. You're such a great writer, your blog is really fun to read. I just started blogging on my website...my writing isn't nearly as wonderful as yours, but I'm hoping to trick my "readers" in to not noticing that with cute photos!!

  3. Oh good luck! I agree. A change is nice, even if it's really the same just disguised. Keep us updated!

  4. Friends of mine did an open adoption. Their son is biracial (Korean and African-American) and my friends are both white. They've been navigating some uncharted waters while trying to educate themselves and others about how rewarding an open adoption can be. I'm enjoying following you along and hoping that you don't have to wait too long - once you make the decision to move forward it sounds like the waiting is the hardest! We ate many meals and played many card and board games together to pass the time....Hang in there!

  5. It is exciting to be shown, it does feel like progress. I love the stories of your rock-band days - it seems very glamorous. Cool that your husband is going to tour Japan in June - hope he has to cancel for the new baby!

  6. Coffeegrl - thanks for posting! I know we're spending lots of time with our friends now, knowing/hoping that our days of carefree stay-up-late playing cards and then-sleep-in days are numbered!

    Gretchen...I have serious fingers crossed for you, too!