Tuesday, April 14, 2009

marking the time..

Easter was exhausting and wonderful - you can read more about it on my non-adoption blog here.

So now what? I'll admit, there is a part of me that thought we would surely be matched by Easter. I'm a person who looks for significance everywhere, for patterns of meaning, and often I find them. When our birthdaversary passed with no baby I thought okay, surely by Easter then. It's silly, I know. Our profile hasn't even been out for three months yet, and three months is the beginning of the average wait time for our agency. We want to think we're so very special that we'd be snatched up the instant our profile got out there - or I do rather.

Andrew looks at me wryly and says "Babe, I am sure that every couple thinks that."

Thank goodness for a voice of sanity in the house!

"Of course darling," I respond. "You're right." Maybe we are too special to get picked right away, I console myself. Maybe it will take a rare and wonderful extraordinary birth mom to pick us!

Andrew laughs. "Maybe so." And he hugs me.

"Oh," I say into his chest. "Did I say that out loud?"

But there is something really special about this waiting time. Somewhere out there is a moment when everything is going to change. Between now and then are the last months, weeks, or days when I will have the luxury of focusing my life on my own personal goals first and foremost. So - what am I going to do with this time? I have some ideas.

1. Couch to 5k. I'm not as fit as I want to be. In fact, the only time in my life when I have been as fit as I want to be I was drumming several hours a week. Looking back, I realize that was exercise (something I hate) disguised as fun. I'm wondering if I'm grown up enough now to do exercise just because I should. Plus, since the invention of ipods even something I hate can be made sort of fun. So I'm now on week 2 of this training program, and so far I don't hate it so much! At the end I should be able to run 3 miles a few times a week and maybe even fit into some of the clothes from my rock-star days. AND - I'll be eight weeks closer to meeting our baby.

2. Career Development: I have a grad school application to get in the mail this week, and several teaching and consulting projects coming up, not to mention getting accredited as a Godly Play teacher and some biggish projects at my full time job. All this will keep me going full steam ahead into July, if I'm honest with myself. I need to do the very best I can juggling all of this now, so I can earn the slack I'll need when we do get matched. I think one of the best decisions we've made is to not stop doing anything until we have a baby, to keep living life the way we tend to do. Which is not very tentatively, and not in a manner that leaves a lot of time to sit around and wistfully wonder when we'll be matched with a babe.

3. Do something about that reading list. I have, with the help of many of you, amassed a gigantic list of books to acquire, skim, read, and internalize on the topics of adoption, transracial adoption, racism, infant care, child development and much more. Some of these are already in hand, piled next to my nightstand and silently pleading with me for attention when I fall into bed at night. I'd like to schedule reading time into my day - and to use the time I spend riding the bus to and from work to augment that. Always have a book in hand!

That's a good start, I think. There's also some sewing projects I'd like to get into for spring and summer - I want to make Andrew some new pants and myself some summer shirts and skirts. But I think I'll save those for July and on - if we're still waiting.

What about the rest of you - if you're waiting, or have waited, what is/was your strategy?


  1. That Couch 2 5K program is a great distraction. Win-win! I'm currently trying to make a baby, and going to grad school and running a marathon have been my distractions. :o)

    Good luck with your wait. I say a tiny prayer every time I see you have a new post on my google reader.

  2. In a way, your post reminds me of the last months of my pregnancy. Waiting, wondering, impatient but trying to be patient. Trying to distract myself from the impending biggest-event-of-my-life-thus-far. I can relate (at least a little) to that part of it. I think you're doing a wonderful job making this time count. It can't be easy to wait patiently and remain ready and hopeful but distracted!

  3. this gigantic reading list you speak of.. as someone who will be shortly following your steps (WACAP AAI most likely, thanks for the recommendation!), i would LOVE to get a start on some reading.. would you mind sharing your reading list? i have a few in mind, but i am overwhelmed with the selection! my email is emumly@gmail.com if you have a second :)