The Open Adoption Roundtable is a series of occasional writing prompts about open adoption. It's designed to showcase of the diversity of thought and experience in the open adoption community. You don't need to be part of the Open Adoption Bloggers list to participate, or even have a traditional open adoption. If you're thinking about openness in adoption, you have a place at the table.
I missed the Open Adoption blogger Roundtable #5 for some reason, but no worries I will jump in here for #6. It's about names and naming.
Since we don't know who our child is we obviously don't know how the naming is going to go. But I have had more than one conversation with people who seem concerned about whether or not we will "get" to name the baby. The answer is, quite simply, we're not sure. There are a lot of ways that this naming thing could go. To read more from families who have been through it go check out the post at Production Not Reproduction that links to all of the bloggers who've written on this topic already -you'll see a wide variety of approaches to naming.
We have names picked out. To be honest we've had names picked out since before we were on this particular path. Andrew and I have been noodling about with names since before we were married, probably, considering this one and that one, trying one out for a while and so forth. We've got a girl name and a boy name that we really like. But we're not married to the names. We're open to the possibility that our child's first mother will want to name him or her, or collaborate with us on a name. In fact, that's a prospect that I find sort of exciting.
If you have a hard time understanding this, which more than one person I have talked to has, here's how I think of it. My child will crave connection to his or her first family. That's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. Our child's first mother may want to give her baby something that will stay with him or her forever, like a name. That's also a good thing. I will be with my baby everyday, I will get to sleep and wake with him, see her first steps and comfort her the first time her feelings are hurt. I will get so much. Put in that perspective, the name isn't so important. Or, it is, but it's not so important that it comes from me. Unless that's how it works out. In which case, we're more than ready.