Sunday, September 20, 2009

First phone call

We talked to Y, the baby's mother, on the phone this morning. It went really well. I am determined not to make any decisions yet, but after talking with her and clicking with her and just hearing in her voice the love she has for this child we feel humbled and torn. She wants us to come right away, I think. Much of me also wants this, however the agency very much wants us to wait. So we're not going to make the call yet. One step at a time.

If we do wait a few days then the baby will go to a special "care home." Because this is the law in Georgia, this ten day waiting period, the agency has several families available and ready to take care of babies during that time. There is always only one baby in the home, and there is a 24/7 caretaker there, usually a grandmotherly type person I believe. V is going to schedule a care home for this baby tomorrow, and have the woman whose home it will be connected to me and to Y. So we will be able to talk to her, and if she ends up being the person to take the baby home from the hospital she will be available to talk to us every day, send pictures, and even set up video chat if we want. I want to see if this makes Y feel better. Again, we haven't made the decision yet.

But the most important thing, today, is that I feel we have a good connection with Y. It's heartbreaking and encouraging all at once. We were able to say important things to her, laugh a little with her, and listen to her talk about herself, her family and her life. I got the distinct impression that her connection to our profile has a lot to do with Andrew - his creativity and musicality. We talked about names, and she doesn't want to have input. She seemed to like the ones we have been thinking about - when we explained our girl-name to her (it is an important word from the Bible AND a character from X-men) she laughed out loud. And loved it. When the conversation started she was open with her feelings, that she doesn't know if she can handle meeting us in person. When we said goodbye she said she was looking forward to meeting us. We were clear that she's driving that bus, it is up to her, but we will be ready when she is for contact and openness.

So from here on out it is one step at a time.

The past two nights I have lain awake in the dark, mind racing, unable to sleep except in fits and starts. Tonight I am going to watch the Emmy's, laugh at my beloved Neil Patrick Harris, eat good food with friends and do my best to relax so that I can sleep tonight. I'm hoping that I won't have too many more opportunities to sleep all night uninterrupted.


  1. I'm so glad you had a chance to talk with Y, and that it was a good conversation and that you all connected with each other.

    I'm just so excited for you!

  2. Wow. I found your blog- my hubby and I are waiting too. Good Luck - fingers are crossed for you!


  3. Amen to that last statement! No more restful nights for you.
    Sounds like you all got along great. Anxiously waiting with you.

  4. i can't wait to hear the names you have chosen. i'm a baby name freak, and spent hours upon hours choosing both my boys names.
    take care, i can't imagine the stress.

  5. eeeeeeeeee!! i'm so glad you got to talk to her! sounds very encouraging! {HUGS}
    ditto what debbie said: anxiously waiting with you!

  6. Our #2 son was in cradle care for 12 days before we picked him up. Tennessee has a 10 day wait for revocation also. We do not regret this wait. It's so hard to wait but to travel that far to return empty-armed was more than we could stand.

  7. I'm thinking of you, Andrew, Y and your maybe-baby constantly. Please know that all my prayers are heading out west and down south in hopes that this is really your little one.

  8. With ICPC, one of ours took 19 days; another took 10, another took exactly a week. I'd be prepared to stay in Georgia for at least 2 weeks and then play it by ear. Residence Inns are often a good choice for staying. 4 days a week you get dinner. 7 days a week you get breakfast. PLUS, they often have special rates for adoptive families (you have to ask). Call AAA and get an Atlanta and a Georgia tour book and start hunting down things you can do with a newborn (Coca Cola museum would be FUN and the Aquarium).
    Our biggest mistake with our first son? Not preparing enough burp cloths and onesies for a newborn (we were clueless first-timers). We were too scared to go to Walmart with him but then when we couldn't stand it anymore, we did venture out.

  9. I'm thinking of you sweetie!! Good luck! Prayers and thoughts are headed your way. I'm praying that this is YOUR baby.

    Loves to you sweetie!

  10. I would consider going out there as early as you can, given the demands on your work schedule, flights, etc. I know with our agency's cradle care program, you can go visit the baby, and it would be an opportunity to spend great early moments with the baby as well as ease into the whole thing (go visit the baby, then hit the Target for some onesies, see the baby, then take a nap, etc.). Also you can give the cradle care provider a pillow case you've slept on so the baby gets to know your scent. Maybe as you feel more comfortable with the situation, you could take the baby back to the hotel with you. I have a little travel bed (the Eddie Bauer infant travel bed from Target) I would be happy to loan you - just send me an email.

    Also I would tour the area and have lots of pictures to show the baby of where s/he is from, and that you have been there (pictures of you with various landmarks). I think the Grey Line Tours give you a good overview (or their website will point you in the right direction to see all the good sites). The CNN center is really neat. And nearby World of Coke, with the best Coke ever and a history of Coke ads. My must-see-place would be Martin Luther King Jr.'s gravesite/conference center/Ebenezer Baptist Church - if you haven't been it will blow you away. They play tapes of his speeches, and you can sit in the pews, stare at the stained glass, and listen to that amazing voice speak such powerful words.

    I think the agency's viewpoint, which is understandably one of efficiency, may not be the same as your mommy viewpoint. I also am a proponent of jumping in with both feet, rather than holding back "just in case," to protect yourself. IMHO you can't really protect yourself, and you might as well let yourself expect the best and experience every moment. But, I realize that it's easy for me to say this, all as a casual (ok, self-interested, and not-that-casual) observer. You need to do what you feel is right, regardless of what others (including me) say. Tuning out other people's advice and expectations is a valuable parenting skill, so start practicing now!
    I am excited for you and wishing you the best!

  11. :-) Thanks for keeping us up to date on your adventure!