Saturday, September 19, 2009

limbo

The main thing I have learned in the past 24 hours or so is that the fact that we are matched is just about the only thing we can know for sure for a while. Here is what we know:
- This baby's mother is in Georgia and baby will be born in Atlanta
- There are two things to know about adoption laws in Georgia. First, the earliest the mother may sign relinquishment papers is 48 hours after the baby is born. Second, there is a 10 day revocation period afterward in which she may change her mind. So, twelve days after the birth, ten days after papers are signed by the first mother the baby will be legally free.
- We can take custody of the baby before this ten days is up, however if we do so it will be under legal risk.


So: we have some decisions to make. But we don't have to make any of them right now. The first steps are to be available to V, our social worker in Georgia who is working with Y, the baby's mother. Y has a big week ahead and not a lot of support aside from V, so first and foremost it is important that her needs are met as best possible and this baby is born healthy.

Right now, Y doesn't think she wants to meet us in person. However, we may talk to her on the phone tomorrow and really at this point all bets are off. It is up to her, of course.

Our big decision, which we will probably make after the baby is born, is when to go to Georgia, should Y decide to stick to the adoption plan. There is a risk, of course, in traveling before the ten days is up. But I have a hard time seeing myself waiting until the baby is almost two weeks old. Hopefully V will have a good enough read on the situation to see how the wind is blowing, so to speak.

One thing I'm getting mixed messages about is when we can actually start the Interstate paperwork that will allow us to leave Georgia and travel back to Washington state. Liz says we can do that as soon as relinquishment is signed. V seems to think that there is no way we can travel before the ten days is up. Right now I'm leaning towards traveling and taking custody 4-5 days after baby arrives and starting the paperwork so that we can come back home as soon as the ten day revocation period is up.

That's the update! Y will have another doctor appointment Monday, and we might get a better idea of who is in there then. Of course, we'll know soon enough regardless.

Thanks to everyone for your outpouring of love and support for us! We are so blessed, and I feel just absolutely held by your care right now. ♥

10 comments:

  1. {fingers & toes crossed} let me know if you need anything at all :)
    *emily

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  2. Best thing that a friend told me while we waited out those last days was to not worry about all the details you can't do anything about and just let us pray for it. I found myself at a loss of how to pray during those few days. You might be different so it was encouraging for me to know that others were praying about the important details.

    Where will the baby be during those 10 days? That would be my main concern.
    Praying for you to make the right decision as you wait to hear more about this baby. And if you talk to Y tomorrow, good luck and enjoy getting to know her.

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  3. I'm glad you posted - I've been checking all day! I think Liz and V are both right - you can start the process right away, but can't travel until the 10 (12) days. But you want to start the process ASAP so you can't travel ASAP. As Debbie said, where will baby be? I would plan to be there when baby was discharged from the hospital. It is heartbreaking to have a baby for a few days, then have to give her back (I know), but it may be better then her going into foster care for a few days. GL. Figuring out when to travel will be the toughest part. (aside from waiting of course) Are you ok with not meeting Y? I know you wanted a fairly open adoption.

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  4. Yay on the match!!!!!

    I ditto Evergreen's comments. Personally I'd head down once you know baby is born and close to discharge. You'll still have to try to protect your heart somewhat (this is hard!) but if this baby does in fact become yours then it would be so excellent to let him/her know that you were there from the beginning and that you took the risk. However, in the end this is your decision and you need to do what feels right. I'll be hoping and praying for you!! On a personal note, we're heading back to Canada with baby T tomorrow!

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  5. A, don't know if I ever told you this, but my little bro's birth mom changed her mind and wanted him back after he'd been with us for a week. I'll never forget watching my mom cry and rock him that night. Of course, she changed her mind again and now he is our flesh and blood, six feet tall, and off at college! This IS the biggest emotional roller coaster. I will continue to pray as I know these next couple weeks will be tough.

    Best,
    kate

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  6. good luck! i hope this works out for you!

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  7. Kate - I remember (now) that your little brother was adopted but I don't think you ever did tell me that! I'm also stunned to picture him six feet tall! Wow! ♥

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  8. We're both holding you in prayer, and in love. And we're also thinking about Y, who is about to experience *two*--not one--major life events. Well, I suppose that's true about the baby as well! But back to you two...we love you, and you're on our hearts and minds during these days. Also, and this is much less important, but I hope SU is being understanding if you have to miss a couple of classes! <3 <3 <3 --Stephen and Andrew

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  9. I am so happy for you both! I always think that birth plans of any sort are great to make, and then toss to the wind ... 'cause other forces are in charge! I'll pray for you all - holding you that minute by minute you are aware of God's presence in all of this, no matter what. Deep peace to you!

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  10. Oh I'm so glad to see this post! I'll be sending up prayers for you too and anxiously waiting for an update!
    Jennifer/Blueginger

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