Here's the timeline, if you are interested:
- Thursday morning we arrived in Atlanta, checked into our hotel and headed to the hospital.
- Thursday afternoon we spent with Y and the baby, holding the baby and talking with Y. Everything felt great and finally Y asked if she could get on with signing the papers. We left for the lobby and waited.
- We waited for about four hours.
- V. found us, and told us that Y just couldn't sign. She wasn't sure yet, and needed the night to think about it.
- Thursday night we watched TV(thank you ABC Thursday nights!), cried, watched more TV read books, sent text messages, made a blog post and prepared ourselves for a change in plans. Spent hours on the phone with V. And cried.
- Friday morning we headed to the hospital and Y told us that she couldn't place the baby. She did it in person, which we appreciate. We gave her the little outfit we had planned to bring the baby home in. She told us the baby's name, which is Choice. We hugged, and cried, and she asked us to be Choice's godparents. We said no. And we all cried some more.
- Friday afternoon we got on a plane home. I started crying every time a service person asked us where the baby was (because of the car seat). A teensy tiny part of me was amused at how quickly my tears discouraged further questions.
- Friday evening during our layover in Charlotte we deleted all the pictures we had of Choice.
- Late last night we landed in Seattle, and now we are home.
So let me tell you what is on our minds/hearts right now. This was an excruciating experience. It was emotionally and financially expensive. We are sad and we are disappointed and a little exasperated. But we're not angry and we do not regret the experience. Choice is not our baby. We do not want anyone else's baby. And we absolutely respect Y's choice. We may wish, for our own comfort and well being, that she had made it sooner or done it differently. But we're not in her shoes, we have no idea what she went through, and I believe that it was important for her relationship with her baby daughter for her to make that choice. We head home to life well equipped to recover and move on. She headed home yesterday to a completely different set of options. Our prayers go with her, even though our connection to her needs to end.
So some perspective: no one is dead, here. There is a healthy beautiful baby who is going home with a mommy who loves her very much. There are two sad but hopeful people here who love each other very much and have such amazing and firm support from their community that they could (knock on wood) survive much worse than this. We are - all four of us - through this experience alive and hopeful and moving toward happier things.
We love you, we appreciate your support and care and sharing of our disappointment. We ask that you also share our hope, optimism, and complete respect for Y and her decision.