Friday, November 13, 2009

waiting again..

Baby J and I are still in Atlanta, or rather the small rural town about an hour away from Atlanta where Granny and Grandpa M live. It's after 10pm and my baby is grunting and snuffling her way to dreamland in her crib. I am taking deep breaths and counting to ten, repeatedly. I want to go home. Andrew is there and we're not a whole family without him. And we have waited so, so long to be a whole family.

So I am reminding myself that this is a process and just because Baby J is born and here and ours doesn't mean I can just skip to the end.

When you adopt a child from a different state there is paperwork that needs to be passed between the two state governments. Baby J is in our custody, but until the adoption is finalized a few months from now the Georgia agency is her legal guardian. So to move with her to a different state both state governments need to approve.

In September Liz said "oh, Georgia has been really fast lately, only taking two or three days." She may have also said that it normally takes 5-7 business days, but if she did I didn't hear that part. Marla, God bless her, is learning on us. And we certainly have been doing our best to provide her with every possible scenario before she closes our file! (Sorry Marla)

We sent Andrew home Monday because we thought the rest of us would be along Thursday. Then Marla remembered Veteran's day and we all thought it would happen Friday. But 5pm rolled right around today with no word on the paperwork. So 2/3 of us are here and 2/3 of us are going crazy with how badly we want to be 3/3 all together. But no one is going anywhere before Monday.

Are moms allowed to throw temper tantrums? Because this one certainly did. But just in case that's bad maternal form I did it alone in the shower. So don't tell anyone, internet, okay? In my defense my sleep has been a little off, lately.

Baby J knows me, now. The rare times when she has a baby breakdown while Nana or Granny M are holding her I can take her and she immediately calms down, burying her wee face in my neck. I melt. And I miss Andrew. Today our baby had a tummy ache, and I walked the floor with her a bit and we talked about it, she and I, and I patted her back and waited for her small body to finally work itself out and relax against my chest. And I thought about how my baby's daddy also has a lovely neck to bury one's face into when frustrated or sad and how much he is a part of us, the "us" who now number three (or five if you count the cats).

And then I re-read this post, and I look over my shoulder to the now quiet (I check to make sure she is breathing and then tell myself I am a silly one) small lady sleeping there. And I absolutely know that this too shall pass. Andrew and I are lucky to be sad about something as wonderful as this. Two weeks ago we would have strongly considered trading in our pinkie toes for this sort of sad.

So there, silly self. Now go to bed. (and I do.)

This is us last Sunday when we were a brand new family, pictured with S, the social worker who brought the papers and helped us sign them. It's not the best photo ever taken of any of us, but right now it's my very favorite one.


  1. Seriously, I would love to read one of your blog posts without getting all teary. I thought I was going to make it through this one, then saw the family picture...

    Hope you get home soon to our horrible weather :) I'll be praying for things to come together soon!

  2. Sorry for the dealy. We adopted our son in Georgia too and had the Labor Day holiday. You might want to have your home state social worker call the authorities in your state to see if they have everyting. Turns out for ours that Georgia sent all of the paper work to Texas but something was left off. Luckily our social worker got word and was able to get it to them really fast and we had approval from both states the next day. Good luck. I know how hard it is to be away from your spouse with a new baby. I was alone for over a week in a hotel room. Good bonding time but very tired mommy.

  3. You have become my feel-good fix--you look so much the proud mama in that picture! I hope your wait isn't too much longer.

  4. like carrie, i too thought i was home free. damn you, family photo!

  5. You're right, what a wonderful sad it is. Still, caring for a newborn without dad is HARD WORK. I totally understand your yearning to be all together again. I hope it happens soon!

  6. OH MY GOSHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I am soooo excited for you guys. I really am. I just got caught up on your blog. We are moving and I haven't been following blogs lately but I am soooo glad I caught up tonight. I am so happy for you guys and am praising God for this miracle of life and God's perfect timing. I can't believe the randomness as it seems....a drop off at the hospital with termination in place, etc.... almost as if God himself just dropped off that baby with you guys specifically in mind. Why He had you go through the previous disrupted adoption, I don't know, but how cool it is to see him finish out the plan and bring it into fullness. Of course it's just the beginning but she's here and how precious she is. Congratulations!