But sleeping has been a little iffy this week. It seems like there are phases, a week or two where she sleeps like a champ, followed by a few nights where something is up. I wondered if it was the new food, this past week. Yesterday a sniffly nose and slight cough heralded what is probably the beginning of a cold.
Last night we knew we were playing with fire. We had an amazing dinner with friends - homemade ribs, some sort of orange soaked pound cake with chocolate ganache oh my! - and stayed out significantly past bedtime. The price for this, which is at times worth paying, is a much tougher bedtime. Baby girl ends up being almost too tired to go to sleep. Last night Andrew was a champ, and baby whispered her to sleep. We followed shortly after.
We're not sure exactly what happened next, but judging from the clues (one shredded paper grocery bag, two thoroughly traumatized cats) one cat decided to hide in a paper bag. At which point the other cat decided to attack the suspiciously twitching bag and the bagged cat chose to flee with the non-bagged cat in hot pursuit. This was quite loud, and unexpectedly prolonged. Bagged cat apparently made it all the way from the living room into our bedroom, circled the bed, may or may not have landed at one point in the co-sleeper and ended up back in the living room. He may or may not have run into multiple walls. All this while wearing the bag and being pursued (or, possibly appearing to pursue) the kitty not in the bag.
So, that ended all pretense of usual sleeping arrangements for the night. I think this is the first time I've seen my daughter frightened (I was frightened too, while it was happening!) and she let us have it for a good 20-30 minutes before we all fell asleep in an exhausted A+A+J pile on the big bed. And by "asleep" I mean Andrew and Jubilee slept while I dozed between getting kicked in the gut and petted/hair pulled by my otherwise sound asleep little angel. Attempts to return her to the co-sleeper were apparently bag-incident-flashback inducing and quickly abandoned.
So it was a frustrating night, followed by a tired and cranky-baby morning.
Still, it goes without saying, but I wouldn't trade this cranky-baby morning for one of those sleeping-in Saturdays of yore. I am grateful for all the small creatures that are entrusted to our care, even the ones who panic from inside paper bags and ruin human sleep patterns for a night. J is down for morning nap early, and may wake up her usual sunny self. And there's coffee in front of me.
It's just that, sometimes, I feel a certain pressure to cherish every moment of motherhood. I think that's a common pressure for anyone who has had to work very hard to become a parent. So it's good to remind myself that it's okay to be tired, and normal to feel frustrated when carefully laid plans for a full night's sleep are sabotaged by critters or tummy aches or colds or what have you. After all, J is tired and frustrated too. And part of the deal, the joy and the less-joyful, is getting to walk this with her. But I don't have to do it all with a halo on. I can do it just as well, maybe even better, if I allow myself to acknowledge that sometimes it's hard/I'm tired/grouchy/cranky/whiny.
So there you have it. Go easy on me. I promise not to leave paper bags out anymore, lying around the house.